my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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