wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
