she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
