Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
