So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
