I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
