You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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