you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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