k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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