Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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