hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
