sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
