You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
