He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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