I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
