I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
