so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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