pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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