now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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