I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
