Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
