It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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