If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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