True but thats because hes a fetus.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
