and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
