why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
