i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
