Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
