Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize