Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
