Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
