i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
