it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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