I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
