Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
