I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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