Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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