wake up i wanna do it froggy style
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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