Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
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Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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