she woke up with a sticky ear
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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