is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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