sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
