wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
