just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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