It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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