google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
