Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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