My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
