oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
