Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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