I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
