??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
