3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
