I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
