so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
