She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
