I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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