He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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