I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
