Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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