he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I will be naked everywhere
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize