Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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