There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
