just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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