My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
