I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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