Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
