you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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