i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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