If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
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Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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